Welcome to the (Wedding) Party

Take the Duties of Being a Bridesmaid or Groomsman to the Next Level with These Easy Tips

article by Michael DeVault

You see the photo on Instagram, two hands interlocked around a sparkling engagement ring. Your good friends are getting married, and you know right then what’s coming next. You’re going to be invited to join the wedding party as a bridesmaid or groomsman.

Congratulations! It’s truly an honor to be asked. But before you jump with joy, know this. Being a member of the wedding party for a modern wedding isn’t all fun and games. A lot of responsibility comes with the role, and you should be prepared to face your duties before you agree to answer the call.

That’s not to say you should think twice about joining the party. In fact, you absolutely should agree to serve! And if you think ahead, know what you’re in for, and take the task seriously, you’ll have the time of your life, make lasting memories and help your friends have the wedding they’ve always dreamed of.

Before the Wedding

The job of the wedding party often starts long before the big day. You’ll have to be fitted for your tuxedo or dress, help the bride and groom make decisions about the decorations, and in some cases, you may even be invited to have input into what the big day will look like.

The biggest contribution you can make to your bride and groom is to commit to be there for whatever they need as they begin the titanic job of planning the perfect wedding. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to go to the church or the cake tasting. It could be as simple as helping with a chore or three to free up time for them to go make those decisions.
Be flexible and hop in when they need something, and they’ll enjoy the process of throwing a wedding and reception all the more. You’d be surprised how much the hour or two you’ve saved them by mowing the lawn or helping with the puppies can mean to busy, young professionals getting ready for their wedding.

For the Bride and Groom: When you’re looking at prospective bridesmaids and groomsmen, make sure you’re asking people who have the time and resources to serve. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they’re in a position to join the wedding party, because not everyone is. More importantly: they are here to help you. You’re in charge of your wedding, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing the whole thing yourself. They exist for a reason – to help you. Don’t demure. Ask for help, and you’ll get it. People are eager to help! This is doubly true of the maid of honor and best man.

The Bachelor(ette) Party!

The tradition used to be that the bachelor and bachelorette parties were thrown the night before the wedding. That shifted to the evening before the rehearsal, but today, the idea of a fixed night for the parties is long gone.

These days, it’s not uncommon for the two parties to fall on different nights in different weeks. Also, it’s become increasingly common for the bride and groom to have direct input into the planning and execution of the parties. To that end, if you’re the best man, the maid of honor, it falls mostly to you to make arrangements for the party.

Find out what your bride or groom wants for their event. This is, after all, a party for them to enjoy their time with you. What is fun to one bride or groom isn’t necessarily a good fit for another. Some men might enjoy a night of whiskey, cigars and cards at their favorite cigar shop. Other men may want a raucous party with plenty of loud music and embarrassing stories.
Brides vary, too. Where one bride might enjoy a destination bachelorette party in Nashville (the bachelorette capital of the world) or a night on Bourbon Street (a close second), another bride might prefer a quiet evening with wine, popcorn and binging Season 2 of Stranger Things.

Most importantly, make sure you pick a party that’s appropriate for the entire group. If your bride has a 14-year-old sister who’s in the wedding party, forgo Beale Street bars in favor of a house party, where she can be involved, too. Just because a member of the party is younger doesn’t mean you should exclude them.

For the Bride and Groom: Before it comes time to attend a party in your honor, be sure to set boundaries. Let your best man and maid of honor know what you want to happen and, more importantly, what you don’t want at your party. Even though they’re tasked with planning and hosting it, it’s still your party.

Wedding Rehearsals, Rehearsal Dinners, Wedding Nights, Oh My!

It’s typically on the day before the wedding that the wheels start to come off the wagon. So don’t let that happen. Make sure you’ve cleared the decks for the entire day, that you’re there and ready to help with whatever your friends need.

Everyone has jobs and responsibilities and lives apart from the wedding. But guess what? You’ve made a commitment to be there for the wedding, and that means the day before. You can help out the mother of the bride with last-minute errands before the rehearsal, help decorate the church or the reception hall, and even pack and tie those tiny bags of birdseed.

At the rehearsal dinner, it’s a tradition to share funny stories about your bride or groom, to talk about what they’ve meant to you, and to give a toast or two. Be mindful of your audience, though, and maybe leave out the story about the bride’s horrible night after the Senior Cruise luau on the cruise all those years ago – unless she’s the kind of girl who appreciates the story and would laugh along with you.

Once dinner is cleared away, it’s off to separate locales for the lot of you. Bridesmaids should be ready to entertain the bride for the evening and help with last-minute duties. The same is true of groomsmen, so be prepared to have a good time with friends, do a little work and take it easy. No one wants to be tired or worse – hung over – on their wedding day!

For the Bride and Groom: Your wedding party has brought you this far. Make sure they know the rehearsal dinner is a big thank you to them for all their hard work and dedication. Choose a meal they’ll enjoy, serve beverages they like and let them let their hair down. More and more, the rehearsal dinner is becoming a “pre-wedding party” for the wedding party, and that’s a great “thank you.”

The Big Show

You’ve been working for a year for the big day, and now it’s here. Your friends are getting married and they’ve asked you to be a part of it. Here are a few ways to make the most of their wedding day.

First, brides and grooms have to eat. Make sure they’re not accidentally fasting all day. Offer snacks and keep a bottle of water handy. Bridesmaids, your job is to be just that – a maid for the bride. Whatever she needs, that’s your job. Same goes for you, groomsmen. And, like you did the day before, make sure you’re available for the whole day. You’re at their beck and call. That could mean picking up dear Auntie Gertrude from the airport or running down to Brookshire’s for more floral wire.

Whatever you do, do it with a smile and willingness to be of service. It’s their day, not yours, and even in the case of the worst bridezillas, you’ll be glad you did, because your friend will be so thankful when she looks back at her wedding pictures and sees happy people looking amazing.

For the Bride and Groom: A recent innovation has been a bridal breakfast for the bride, her mother, and the bridesmaids, and many grooms and groomsmen have followed suit. If you decide to host breakfasts for the bridal and groom parties, make sure to extend an invitation to the men and women from both sides of the aisle. The father of the bride needs to eat, too, and he’ll appreciate the chance to spend a few minutes with his new son-in-law. And ladies, your mothers are going to share everything from now on – their children (you and your spouse), their holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas are never going to be the same), and eventually, their grandchildren. Now is as good a time as any to get them in the same room together.

The Reception and Beyond!

It’s done! Let your hair down and cut a rug. Eat a good meal. Drink a drink. Heck, drink three! You’ve earned it. But don’t lose sight of this: it’s still your job to make sure everybody has a great time.

During the meal, visit with the families of the newlyweds. Laugh at all the Dad Jokes the father of the bride makes. Applaud for the father of the groom. Cheer on the maid of honor and the best man.

Afterwards, keep everyone engaged by making sure you get out there and dance. If you see someone sitting on their hands, invite them to dance with you! They’ll appreciate the invitation, and nothing will make your newlyweds happier than seeing Auntie Gertrude cutting a rug with a handsome fellah in a tux.

Most importantly, make sure the newlyweds can enjoy their honeymoon by offering to take on the tasks they need handled. That may mean dog-sitting for a few days, keeping an eye on the house or just getting the mail. They’ll have a much better time if they know the capable crew who helped them pull of the wedding of the century is still on hand to help make the honeymoon a success.
And maybe don’t overdo the practical jokes when it comes to the get-away car!

For the Newlyweds: Let your wedding party know how much you appreciate them with gifts that fit the theme of your wedding but also say “We appreciate you!” for the long-run. Instead of a single gift for each participant, consider assembling customized swag bags for their gifts. Give each bridesmaid and groomsman something to commemorate and remember the day – it can be as simple as a dated keychain or engraved penknife. Include something practical, like a gift card to the movies. And in each bag tuck a special something you’ve selected for each one of them, to show you appreciate all their hard work. The gifts don’t have to be expensive. But they do have to come from the heart.