Meredith’s Musings

article by Meredith McKinnie

We found out we were pregnant in April. We found out we weren’t anymore in June. During the hope and expectation and emotion and hormones, before the heartbreak, I wrote a letter to a fetus I was sure would be a little girl…

May she giggle when she runs in the rain and pause to feel nature’s tears on her face.

May she feel butterflies amidst her childhood crushes. May the first boy she kisses be worthy of her innocent affection. May the last man she kisses remain in awe of her choice.

May she view the pressures of society as mere suggestions and always follow her heart, the pulse inside her being.

May she be informed more so than smart, a dreamer not constantly reminded of her limitations.

May she be kind in the face of hate, but vocal in the presence of injustice. May she find her voice and use it for good, for change, for the betterment of her world. May she consider others without denying herself, to not cower in the face of adversity, but to embrace life’s challenges that force her to evolve, to hug, to love and fight with a passion that only radiates from her truth.

May she chase happiness every day, never settling for just enough. When her feet stop moving, may her mind stay in motion, always forward, cognizant of the past, but focused on the present.

Should she express herself in written words, or song, or art, or social media, may her mother always encourage her expression. She will not be suppressed or told she doesn’t matter or shushed or confined, and should she ever find herself in a cage, may she flap her wings incessantly until she soars again. May she never lose her will to fly.

May she be inclusive, seeking out the different, the wayward, and the often ignored to learn their struggles and consider their perspectives. May she remember the gray, never settling on black and white, but rather the mass of gray that is often shoved aside in the fury of emotion or desperation for immediate answers or retribution.

May she have an appreciation of color and diversity and a mixing of flavors and attitudes and viewpoints. May she recognize that we work better together, but sometimes it starts alone, that a battle, by definition, is not easy, but no less worthy of fighting.

May she take the road less traveled in search of wanderlust, a stimulation of her mind, a depth of humanity unachievable without immersing herself in the unknown. May she have the courage.

May she love harder and bolder and embarrass herself countless times until she no longer feels ashamed, until she comes to value her uniqueness.

May she wear pigtails long past the age when they’re considered appropriate, if only because she likes the swoosh of the tail against her skin, and one pigtail can’t possibly be enough.

May she thrive on informative documentaries and indulge in animated fairytales. May she favor the magical and never question miracles. May she be bold, yet humble.

May she ignore her mother when she tells her it’s not possible. May she remind her mother to believe.

May she choose fun over fancy, character over countenance, spirit over space, love over logic.

May she be the first to say “I’m sorry,” but only when she means it. May she be the first to forgive, but again, only when she means it.

May she never apologize for being saucy, for she’ll get it honest. May she revel in being the loud one in the room, for she also will get it honest. But may she listen more.

May she smile only when she wants to and never hold back her tears. May she feel emotion in her bones, the good and the bad, for experience shapes the soul.

May she recognize that hurt words escape a hurting heart, and sometimes kindness or silence is her best response.

May she believe in something or someone greater than she, for belief and hope give our existence purpose. May she believe in angels, and dare to be one for an unbeliever.

May she be wild and free and loved. May she find the ones who foster her soul.

May she protect her heart, but allow it to break. May she come back stronger with more empathy that somehow makes her pain worth the progress. May she fly when able and crawl when necessary. May she recognize the difference.

May she seek the desires of her soul and never for a second question her ability. May she admire simplicity and listen to her heart. May she keep herself in check only when absolutely necessary.

These are my wishes for her. And if she ignores each and every one, may she show her mother the beauty in the alternatives.