Women Supporting Women; Why our Feminine Bonds are so Vital

by Shannon Dahlum, FDN-P

There’s no arguing that humans are tribal creatures and that all we thrive in community with one another. It’s been shown in numerous studies that people who have strong support systems live longer, have longer health spans, and experience better disease outcomes than those without supportive bonds. While the quality of relationships for both sexes affects our psychological and physical wellbeing, there’s something really special about the relationships among us women.

In a study performed at UCLA, researchers found that female responses to stress could be alleviated through a release of oxytocin when surrounded by female friends. According to the study, “Females create, maintain, and utilize social groups, especially relations with other females, to manage stressful conditions.” As women, our friendships with other women may be more important now than ever, as our modern lifestyles have become increasingly demanding.

Both sexes display masculine and feminine energy in varying degrees. Masculine energy is characterized by logic, reasoning, doing, and achieving. Feminine energy is more intuitive, feeling, and oriented toward receiving and allowing. Generally speaking, women display more feminine characteristics than our male counterparts, which means our bonds with each other tend to be more intuitive and emotional. In fact, a survey published in Science Direct found that in comparison to men, women “more highly value friends who provide emotional support and intimacy.”

In my experience, the intuitive and emotional nature of my female friendships provides a certain comfort and support that I haven’t received in the same way from the male relationships I’ve experienced. My male relationships have been equally valuable, but the energy is different.

Women, by nature, tend to be more emotionally expressive and lean toward support, nurture and trust in our relationships. It’s clear that all people need people, but for women specifically, there is something unique that exists between us.

In her book, “A Mind of Her Own: The Evolutionary Psychology of Women,” author Anna Campbell writes, ‘The friendships women develop with one another mimic the close “communal” relations normally found between blood relatives, with a strong focus on empathy and responsiveness to others’ needs.” Perhaps this is why our bonds run so deep. The close female friendships we forge throughout our lives are similar to those we have with biological family members. Those of us who aren’t blessed with biological sisters (and even some of us who are) tend to create a sisterhood amongst our friends.

A survey conducted by American Perspectives Survey in March, 2021 concluded that women talk openly with each other more than men. This suggests that they tend to be more expressive of their feelings, share personal issues and seek support through their interactions. According to another survey, 88% of women told their best friend something they wouldn’t tell their partner, and 52% were in touch with their best friend every day. This emotional connection, along with mutual empathy and trust, helps build and maintain deep, lasting friendships.

Our deep, supportive female friendships breed trust and loyalty that provides incredible comfort. Gender differences across loyalty and trust in single sex relationships have been examined, and it was found that women displayed higher levels of trust amongst each other than men did. Perhaps this explains why the unique type of loyalty that’s created amongst women is known as “girl code;” it’s something that’s highly specific to us.

Women who are around their female friends experience an increase in serotonin, a neurotransmitter that controls mood and is responsible for feelings of happiness. Along with the boost of stress relieving oxytocin we experience in the company of our female friends, it’s no wonder we crave a girl’s night out or a girl’s trip on fairly regular occasions. These interactions support our well-being on a very deep, physiological level. These connections bolster us and replenish the energy we expend while caring for our families and working demanding jobs. Our female friendships enable us to continue showing up in life as the best versions of ourselves. This means our feminine bonds are a vitally important building block for a fulfilling, healthy life. The head of psychiatry at Stanford University has even said one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to “nurture her relationships with her female friends.”

Women have come a long way in this world over the past century because of the path forged by strong female individuals. Perhaps it’s the strength, support, and encouragement women have amongst each other, however, that is our greatest strength. As women, I feel there is an invisible thread that connects us all. It’s an energetic, intuitive connection, and although invisible, it is unbreakable. The stronger and more supported we each feel individually, the stronger we are as a collective through this bond.

This month, as we recognize women’s empowerment and how far we’ve progressed collectively, I’m especially grateful for all the women who have supported me in my life. I cherish the bonds I have mutually established with the female friends who have become my chosen sisters. I know without these women, along with all women connected though to me through our shared feminine bond, I simply wouldn’t be the woman I am today.