When Dreams Change | Adjusting When Life Makes You Change Lanes

Article by Cindy G. Foust

Happy New Year to our BayouLife readers as I sit in the comfort of my comfy chair, drinking a cup of coffee and reflecting on 2025. This month, as I have historically done and what you might expect, I have written about goal setting, goal achieving, teaching your children to set goals, or making and adhering to New Year’s resolutions. Instead, I am going to write this month on a parenting lesson we learned, that pertains to one of our children setting and achieving their goals. As is the case with most columns I write, I have to build you a clock to tell you what time it is, and most of the time I find myself halfway through the column and I don’t know whether I’m scratching that watch or…well, you know the rest of the saying, so here goes.

When I was growing up in Butcher’s Hollow, (I didn’t really grow up there as many of you know, I just love the way that sounds and I love Loretta Lynn, so I’m borrowing it for the purpose of this column) we had a pretty idyllic life. I hesitate to use the word “charmed,” but anyone that grew up with me knows there was a certain peaceful, comfortable existence that we just don’t share today. In my day, there wasn’t much goal setting or big dreaming going on. Sure, I dreamed of finishing college and getting married and starting a family, sharing most of those same dreams with everyone else in my happy-go-lucky life. And sure, I dreamed of being a Lady Techster, what girl didn’t want to be Kim Mulkey (and still do with all her cool bejeweled outfits) and be on the team that won a national championship in women’s basketball? But, since my high school team won less than five games over three years, that dream probably wasn’t ever going to be a reality. As I have gotten older, I continue to set goals and dream big dreams, and I’ve tried my best to instill that same accountability in my children. Scott and I have tried to encourage them to pursue their dreams, work hard for those goals and never give up. Those are pretty basic, simple parenting qualities, right? But to me, the real parenting expertise comes when you have to support and encourage your child when they don’t reach the goal or achieve the dream they have so desperately worked for. One such time for us involved when our son had a sudden lane change while he was in college. How did we handle it? If I’m totally honest, it wasn’t very well, at first anyway. I mean, when does your child’s dreams become your own or when do they co-mingle? What parent can’t help themselves while they watch their child work to make a 30 on their ACT (Scott says you could add both his scores and not get a 30 and I’m not even sure why that’s an important part of this story, I just thought ya’ll might be interested in that family factoid, but I’m glad Christmas has come and gone so I still get a good gift), get a sports scholarship, maintain a 4.0, or get into medical school? One day you are in one lane, going on about your business, focused and driven toward one goal, and then BAM (a word commonly used with Super Heroes) your lane changes. What to do, what to do? I can tell you, and I’m sorry to give myself a poor grade on this, but initially, I didn’t handle it well. I’m flawed, like the rest of the world, and I worried incessantly that my son was making a huge mistake. Scott, on the other hand, saw the positive and the benefits that the new direction would offer our child. The lane changed…and life went on…and everyone was okay and God’s plan for my son’s life continues to unfold, in a glorious, healthy way with a beautiful wife and the most precious grandbaby girl in the world. Did I tell y’all I was a Lulu? It was a valuable lesson for me, as a parent, a parent who continues to grow and learn from my children. A parent, like many of you, who only wants the best for her children, for them to be the best versions of themselves they can be. If, like me readers, you find yourselves deeply intertwined in the “goings-ons” of your children, cut yourself some slack, take a step back, and really evaluate your situation. Is it healthy? Are you too tangled up in the tinsel? A lot of this column is written for parents with children who are older, and in a position to start making life changing decisions. But if you have small children, use caution as you make your way into “teendom” and on into adulthood. Life is so unpredictable and try as we might, we can’t always control the direction. But we can control how we handle the change, and that my dear readers, is what I will spend the rest of my life trying to get better at.

Cindy G. Foust is a wife, mom, author and blogger. You can find her blog at the alphabetmom.com for weekly columns about home life,  parenting, small business stories and insight with a smidgen of literacy. Give her a like or follow on Facebook and Instagram.