Simply Lou: Cat Tails Minus One

article and illustration by Lou Davenport

It seems as if I have always had a cat or cats around. I’m not really sure how they all came to be, but, I seem to attract them. I’m by no means a “cat whisperer,” but they just seem to find me. When I first moved to Monroe, I actually had no cat! Word must have gotten out, because before I knew it. “Albert” appeared and stayed. He was a “serial killer” of baby birds, so when I moved to Ruston, I took him along. He was deliriously happy being “on the hunt” over there, and the poor birds never had a chance. He finally just disappeared, and I wondered did a hawk get him? One of those “karma” things would have served him right!

Right now, I only have four of my own which I affectionately call, “The Brat Pack.” I take full responsibility for them being spoiled rotten. I say that “they” just let me “live here with them.” They just use me for food. But I’m a sucker, and I love every one of them.
All of mine have been “rescued” and all are spayed and neutered. But, in my neighborhood, there’s a lot of cats. All the “unwed teenage” mothers seem to come to my house to have their babies. I guess I’m the “labor and delivery” room. Right now, two little kittens are playing out back, and I am dying to get my hands on them. They are still a bit skittish, but I’ll win them over. Food is the key! There’s also another “mother” almost ready to deliver her little darlings. She’s already sleeping on my deck, and, yes, of course, I feed her. I do try to provide good prenatal care!

My oldest cat, Peanut, or “HRH Peanut” as she prefers to be called, is the boss lady around here. Being a “red tabby” she is very chic! She thinks it is her duty to wash all the others’ faces, and they better let her or she gives them a stern slap! She has her special place where she sleeps on the back of the couch, and nobody may lay there except her! She came to me by way of another “unwed teenage mother” that I took in. Little did I know there would soon be 5 babies to be delivered! I did watch them all be born, and Peanut was the last one and the runt of the litter. I even had to give her a bottle to make sure she got enough to eat. So, she is a little bit special to me. She purrs louder than any cat I have ever heard! But, other cats don’t cross her! She’s got “attitude!” Peanut definitely is “Her Royal Highness!”

Next, came Otis, or “Otis the Tormentor” as I call him. He was the only kitten to live through a fox killing his whole family. I found him out in the yard and have no idea how he survived. I thought he was dead when I saw him out in the grass. Maybe he was traumatized. I just know he is spoiled rotten and so bossy and demanding! Otis drives me crazy! He’s a beautiful Persian mix, black with green eyes. Between his black paws he has white tufts of fur. I call them his “spectator shoes,” and he is quite “dapper.” Otis thinks he is supposed to drape himself over my arm, when I’m trying to type. We argue, of course, and it takes lots of willpower on my part to convince him he cannot help me! (I really want to throw him across the room!) He thinks the pillows on my bed belong to him, so we have the “pillow fight” every night. I even got him his own pillow, but, that’s not nearly as much fun as pestering me for mine! I made the mistake of brushing him to help keep his fur from matting. I created a monster. Now, he must be brushed at least once daily, and he aggravates me until I just give in and brush him. I think I hear him giggle! He is very vain!

Next, came “the yellow tabby brothers.” My daughter, Paige, took in an “unwed teenage mother” who presented her with five beautiful little babies. It took one look from me at the two yellow ones, and I was “tee totally” in love. One has a tail, “Angus” and the other has no tail, “Lil Rod.” They are the clowns of this pack of brats! “Angus” is huge and is scared of just about everything. I have no idea why, but, he is also my little “love man” and gets beside me every night and watches TV with me. He has to get brushed, when Otis gets brushed, too. Otis doesn’t care for that but, so far, he just accepts it with a dirty look or two. “Angus” is a “jumper” and that, cat can leap 6 feet in the air! He’s the athlete I suppose. The higher place he can get himself to, the better. He sleeps on the very top of an old wardrobe I have. Angus is “the talker,” too. I carry on some real serious conversations with him. (Yes, I do talk to my cats, but so far, they have not talked back, well, only in “cat language”) He can tell you some mournful stories or some very funny ones. And I do think he cusses, I know “Lil Rod” and “Otis” do! Otis has not been the best of role models for two youngsters!

Now, “Lil Rod” is a mess! He is so cute and he knows it! I definitely gave him a lot of self confidence. “Lil Rod” is not the most graceful of cats and he loves to run, jump, miss his mark and make a big mess! He tries to climb up and sit on the deer head I have. He loves to use his paw to slide my drawing pencil off on the floor. I pick it up, put it back and he does it again! So much fun for him, so annoying for me! “Lil Rod” probably knows everyone in the neighborhood, because he wakes up, eats and goes on “his rounds!” Thankfully, he is very well liked. “Lil Rod” is my best helper in the yard. He is a master hole digger and fertilizer! He does have the good manners to cover it up, thank goodness. And, I must admit, he might be my favorite. I always have had a thing for the “bad boys!”

I have one more cat that I really cannot claim as my own anymore, but, without me, he wouldn’t be here! I kept hearing a kitten crying out back and couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. It was pouring down rain. I finally saw a little black and white spotted kitten out in the liriope, all alone and crying his head off! I immediately ran out, got him and bundled him up in a towel. I named him “BoBo.” Looking back, I can see that his mother probably left him out there, because he was so bad! I de-flea-ed him and fattened him up, and he seemed to be a happy little camper. I just loved him. Even Peanut and Otis accepted him into their “inner circle.” “BoBo” had it made, and I had made another successful rescue! Or so I thought….

I got busy and didn’t get “BoBo” to the vet to be neutered in time. He discovered the great outdoors! And all the ladies. He dumped me! He’s turned to a life of low morals and standards. I assume he thinks he is the neighborhood “Pimp Daddy!” He’s all over the place sharing his charms! He still walks through my yard, and I call out to him. He looks but keeps on “struttin’ his stuff” with his nose in the air! So, he is no long called just “BoBo,” he is “BoBo, you Ba#@*+d!” He could care less! Like I said, I now know why his Mama left him out in the rain!

Funny thing, I think some other tom cat is way ahead of ol’ “BoBo.” I have yet to see a black and white spotted kitten around here yet. I guess time will tell.

Cats really are fascinating creatures. Each one is different, especially in their personalities, just like us! Check out some of this cat trivia:
• A cat will never break a sweat, because it has no sweat glands.
• A cat spends 30% of its time grooming.
• A group of kittens is called a “kindle.”
• A group of adult cats is called a “clowder.”
• Most female cats are right pawed, and most males are left pawed.

There is one bit of trivia I read that I don’t think I really believe. It says that cats do not meow at one another, but they reserve that for communication with humans. Well, when Spring “springs” in my neighborhood, the tom cats start singing like Barry White! So, the “universal songs of love” are alive and well over in my “hood!” They sure aren’t singing to us humans!
See ya next month!