Simply Lou

It’s Spunky Old Broads Month!
article and illustration by Lou Davenport

February.  What is your first thought?  Love?  Hearts? Valentine’s Day?  What can I say that hasn’t already been said before?  At this point in my life, I sure don’t have much to say about “matters of the heart.”  I have been madly in love before, and I have also had my heart broken into a million pieces, but I sure don’t have any advice to share. Maybe, you just “win some and you lose some,” but life just goes on.

I have plenty of people and other things I love.  I love my three great kids, who have grown up to be good people.  I have a big crazy family.  And, yes, I have cats.  Four cats who drive me nuts, but I love them just the same.

I am single right now, and that seems to suit me well.  Now, I am not against love and romance at all.  I just like being “me, myself and I.”  I “never say never,” but for now, I don’t have any complaints.

With that said, I had a hard time deciding what I could write that was “February” related.  I did the usual thinking, grumbling, more thinking, whining, cussing a little ‘til “something came to me.”  I was talking to my daughter, Paige, about this, and she reminded me that February wasn’t “just about Valentine’s Day.”   That kid  was right.  I got to “googling” and found out there’s so many things that if you wanted, you could celebrate every day!  I couldn’t use them all, so I picked out what in my opinion, were the most interesting and, of course, the whackiest and silliest out there.

There are several worthy causes during the month of February.  There’s “National Heart Month,”  “Black History Month,” and “National Children’s Dental Health Month.”  There’s also one I feel is important, “Great American Pie Month.”  How many us can make a real homemade pie?  I can, but, I have gotten too lazy to make them!  But, the very best of all to me is “Spunky Old Broads” month!  I am not sure how it came to be or if it is a worthy cause, but why not?

Finally, a month dedicated to all us “spunky old broads!”  I am proud to be counted as one!  I have earned it and all that it stands for.  I think I know a song for this as well.  Waylon Jennings’ “I might be old, but, honey, I ain’t worn out!”

Being a “spunky old broad” entitles one to play “the age card” if you need to.  I take full advantage of the Senior  coffee discount at McDonald’s and any other “senior” advantage I come across.  I did have an AARP card, but I didn’t use it enough to pay the dues anymore.  If I get asked, “Ma’am, may I help you with that?” I just say, “You sure can, honey!”  “Honey and Sweetheart” have become two words in my second nature vocabulary.

Us “spunky old broads” do all kinds of crazy things. Just today, I got dressed and was way down the road from my house, when I discovered I had my dress on backwards.  I’ve put one on “wrong side out” before, too.  I figure that nobody notices anyway and just go on about my business.  I have been known to go through “drive thrus” in my pajamas.  I forget things and then forget where I put things, thinking I put them in “a place I will remember.”  I walk in a room and forget why I am there.

I wear reading glasses, and I don’t see nearly as well driving after dark as I used to.  (But, there’s not many places I need to be after dark)  I know it’s age, but, “spunky old broad” sure does sound better!  Us old broads do pretty much every thing we have always done, except much slower.

I know exactly how I intend to celebrate my “spunky old broad-ness” in February.  I’m going to get all my “spunky old broad cousins” together and have a party.  We do that a lot already, and we always have fun.  We don’t need much either, just some good food and sometimes, a few bottles of wine.  And, off we go, laughing all the way.  I decreed “no bras” at all family “get togethers” this past Christmas.  Who cares anyway?  I already wear my “big dresses” for these occasions, because who needs tight fitting clothes when you are going to stuff yourself into a near “food coma?”  You might as well be comfortable!

Here’s this “Spunky Old Broad’s” favorite days to celebrate in February.

•  Feb. 1 – National Freedom Day   glad I have it

•  Feb. 2    Ground Hog Day  oh, who cares!  Our weather follows its own rules

•  Feb. 3 – The Day the Music Died…R.I.P Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and Big Bopper  

•  Feb. 3 – Work Naked Day  I’m not saying a word….

•  Feb. 7 – Wave All Your Fingers at your Neighbor  Day  Be nice, ya’ll!

•  Feb. 9 – Toothache Day  guess you can watch Steve Martin as the sadistic dentist in “Little Shop of Horrors.”  Doc-tah!

•  Feb. 9 – National Pizza Day oh yeah!

•  Feb. 10 – Umbrella Day  useful

•  Feb. 11 – Satisfied Being Single Day Oui Oui!

•  Feb. 12 – Lincoln’s Birthday

•  Feb. 13 – Get a Different Name Day  I choose “Myrtle Mae”

•  Feb. 13 – Galentine’s Day  watch “Parks and Recreation!”

•  Feb. 14 – Binge watch “Vikings” Day I made that up!         

•  Feb. 14 – Madly in Love with Me Day for narcissists

•  Feb. 15 – Singles Awareness Day  I am aware!

•  Feb. 16 – Do a Grouch a Favor Day any volunteers?

•  Feb. 17 – Random Acts of Kindness Day be sweet!

•  Feb. 18 – National Drink Wine Day red or white?

•  Feb. 20 – Cherry Pie Day  yummy!

•  Feb. 22  – Love your Pet Day I do this every day   

•  Feb. 22 – George Washington’s Birthday

•  Feb. 22 – National Margarita Day  top shelf for me, just one!

•  Feb. 24 – National Tortilla Day  ole’!

•  Feb. 25 – Open That Bottle Up Day I assume any kind

•  Feb. 26 – National Bacon Day  YES!

•  Feb. 27    Polar Bear Day   polar bears need love, too 

•  Feb. 28    Fat Tuesday!  Throw me some beads!

There were a few that made “Honorable Mention” on my list, because some are a bit weird and some I question why there are “special days” for them.  But, that’s what makes them so worthy of mention!

•  Feb. 7 – Dump Your Significant Jerk Day  I think I would wait until after Feb. 14, then grab the candy and run!

•  Feb. 14 – International Extraterrestial Culture Day  where is this celebrated?  Area 51? Does one bring a Valentine?

•  Feb. 14 – Extraterrestrial Visitor Day  why? I haven’t seen any, but “may the force be with you!”

•  Feb. 17 – My Way Day   we “only children” understand this!

•  Feb. 27 – Cow Milked on an Airplane Day    say what?

•  Feb. 27 – No Brainer Day  yes, indeed.  Wish they all were!

•  Feb. 28 – Public Sleeping Day  after No Brainer Day I guess you need to sleep outside?

Third week of February is “International Flirting Week” for those who are uninformed.  You may have to have a passport for this one.  Do foreign countries have a great need for this one?  I have no idea.

The Westminster Dog Show comes on Feb. 15 – 16.  I usually watch it even though the dogs I like never seem to win.  It seems to me that the more grooming a dog needs, the more they win.  So, I end up saying I will “never” watch it again, but, I do and still hope for a “sporting or working” dog to win “Best of Show.”

I think that if you want, it’s probably alright to combine some of the “special days.”  For the “Spunky Old Broads Party,”  we could just grab some pizza and have some red or white wine or maybe, just make margaritas.  Or we could have homemade pie.  I’m not going to cook it, so my “cousins that still cook” will have to do the honors!

I sure hope I’ve given you some options for celebrating February.  Or, hopefully, made you laugh.  That’s one thing about us “spunky old women.”  We do crazy things, and don’t mind telling the things we do, because we can and do laugh at ourselves! Be good to yourself, and above all else, BE yourself!

Drop by Facebook and like my very own, “Simply Lou” page.  Yes, I do tell about my many misadventures as a “spunky old broad!”