Meredith’s Musings: Love My Husband, Miss My Boyfriend

By Meredith McKinnie

This summer will mark three years of marriage with Husband. I chose well. I couldn’t adore him more; he loves me just as I am, he’s a loving father, and we’ve grown as individuals and as a couple. Support is a cornerstone of our relationship. My mom often reminds me what a good man I have, as if I don’t know. Anytime I mention areas of improvement, she leans more toward my being grateful for what I have. But I fear a stagnant relationship as much as a difficult one. I refuse to settle in any area of my life. People always mention the work required in a long-term relationship. Husband has always been so easy; loving him rarely feels like work.

His work means many hours spent away from home. He dives in when he is here, but sometimes tiredness prevails. Technically still newlyweds, with a new baby, many of our conversations revolve around her, the house, our jobs, but rarely just us. I miss our little sayings before bed. My mom calls it “pillow talk.” I will nestle into his chest and say, “Tell me something sweet.” And while his responses used to be about me, his love for me, now they’re about me as a mother. I’m proud of my role, proud that he’s proud of how I’m handling my role, but sometimes I miss just being his girlfriend. While our lives weren’t as intertwined then, the romance overflowed. The security of marriage can take away the feeling of choice. When he spent time with me before, he wanted to be there. I was a choice. Now, with a marriage license, a home, and a tiny human, it can feel like he has to be.

I feel the work is in not forgetting to woo each other. I make an effort to flirt with my husband. A compliment from me makes him beam, and I love that ability. He prides himself on making me laugh, insists I’m a tough audience. When I chuckle from the belly, he knows he earned it. He’s always shocked when I randomly burst out laughing at his side comments. He has a hard time conveying sentiment with words, perhaps because he considers his wife a wordsmith, as he reminds me often. When I get dressed up, I catch the little sparkle in his eye, and I’ll say, “I look nice, don’t I?” He insists, “You always look nice,” but I remind him hearing it never gets old.

When I told him I missed my boyfriend, he paused, confused and intrigued. Husband’s love language is acts of service; mine is words of affirmation. He is constantly doing for us, for me, and I’m eternally grateful for his love and his doing. But I keep asking for more romance. I want a text during the day that isn’t about our daughter, just about us. I want him to tell me something sweet without my having to ask. My mom is right. I have a good man, a good home, a good family. But enriching that relationship is a constant endeavor and worth the effort. It’s tempting to relax into the easy. I must continue to strive for the marriage I have and to enrich our family unit. I will keep insisting on romance. I will keep telling Husband that I miss my boyfriend until I can’t remember the difference.