Meredith’s Musings: For Fable

By Meredith McKinnie

My dearest Fable, you surprised us. Your father and I had discussed another child, but you insisted on coming earlier than we planned. And we’re planners. May you continue to surprise us, for life is best lived on the wings of spontaneity.

You will inevitably grow up in your sister’s shadow, the two of you being less than two years apart. May you dare to step out of it, forge your own way, make your own rules. Remind us daily of your individuality. Never let us forget you are your own person.

Make your own sunshine. Some days it refuses to emerge from the clouds. Learn to make your own light and share it with others lost in the darkness.

Don’t let others define who you are, for they’ll try. They’ll tell you your way is wrong, that this way is more accepted. Many conform out of fear. The path less traveled, often less accepted, leads to enlightenment. Listen, but make your own judgments. Again, seek the light.

Be skeptical of the skeptics. They often find gratification in the judgment of others’ choices. Be bold in your decisions, embrace your mistakes. Remember you had the courage to make them.

When in doubt, follow your instincts. That voice that radiates from deep inside knows you best, has your best interest at heart. Trust it, give her a name, be nice to her, for she is you.

Pay attention to the moments as they happen, to the small blessings that populate each day. Never forget that to breathe is a blessing, to witness beauty is a blessing, to be in the presence of others is a blessing. Make the most of the blessings, for as long as it takes, as often as it takes. The more weighted the world becomes, the harder it gets to recognize the blessings.
And with time comes knowledge, and inevitably comes weight. The hard truths become apparent, the injustices impossible to ignore, the innocence of childhood inevitably fades away with experience. Never lose the childlike impulse to explore, to crave newness, to turn the leaf over and examine the other side. Seek out the children, for they seek the joy.

Simplicity is often the purest path forward. Don’t let situations become complicated for the sake of complication. When you don’t have an answer, wait until you do. When we don’t know how to act, it’s often because it’s not the right time. Wait until it is. You’ll know.

Challenges help us grow. They try our patience and build character. They will find you. When you face them, it’s not about winning, but always about growing. And the growth often emerges from failure. Be thankful when it arrives, for now you’ll know better.

Pressure will come at you from all angles, from society, from your peers, and regretfully, from us, your parents, who should know better. For we are all flawed. Resist the urge to react to pressure. Tell us when you need space or time or a break from it all. It’s okay to step away from pressure, to remove yourself from stress, regardless of the source. You must always advocate for you.

Seek truth from unconventional sources. Never rely on someone’s title for assurance. Often the real truth comes from those unburdened with the public’s adoration. Those who don’t need gratification, who don’t seek the spotlight, often tend to wander into it. Chase your dreams, but not just to be labeled a dreamer.

Avoid the mirrors, for the outside is a distraction from the truth. You’re beautiful when you feel beautiful, when you show people beauty through your actions. No girl ever felt complete confidence from her looks; if so, we wouldn’t see so many pretty girls crying. Society will constantly tell her she should, but it was never about the shape of her hips or the lines of her face. True beauty is within, and you can’t see inside yourself with a mirror. Feed the light inside; it will radiate the rest.

Independence is essential, and not to dismiss the kindness of others, but not to rely on it. A woman must always have the ability to take care of herself. Find your means of self-care, hold it tight, and use it often. You are not helpless. Don’t pretend to be.

The world is big and bold and will humble you. You will need humbling. Travel often, get lost in the woods, marinate in the uncomfortable, dine with those different. Go as often as possible, for movement, a change of place and space reinvigorates the soul, reminds us we are alive. To live out loud, you have to first live. And that requires sacrifice and change and discomfort. Welcome it all. It will chisel you to the core, and what’s left will be more pure, unfiltered, and more alive than you ever dreamed possible.

Read every word you can, every version you can. Never assert a position until you understand the opposition. Walk in someone’s else’s shoes, or at the very least, listen to those who have. Never preach from a place of privilege; you only look smaller. Recognize your place in the world, and how privileged you are to be here. Don’t look down on those with less; they’re closer to the earth, and often closer to the truth. Listen to them. Their experience in an unkind world gives them a knowledge we’ll only read about and pretend to understand.

Choose kindness above all else. Give of yourself to others, but make sure you have something left to give. You must take care of yourself first. Women are said to be nurturers, sometimes to a fault. They give so much they lose themselves in the process. Don’t get lost, for then you will be helpless.

You are and will always be your strongest advocate. Time and experience will shape your perspective, hardship will broaden your scope, and love will fill your soul. Collect it all, the tears, the smiles, the broken hearts, the aha moments, and the days the sun agrees to shine upon you.

These are my wishes for you, and should you find another way, well then, my darling, you’ve already found the truth all on your own.

With love and respect, Mom