Meredith’s Musings

Modern Tradition

article by Meredith McKinnie

My cream-colored simple stationery with embossed script bearing the eight letters of my first name lasted a decade. I conveniently bought an eight pack of generic cards with no personality…not the same. I like the elegance of my fancy cards. My words deserve a luxurious space to stretch out. I take time with thank you notes, seizing the opportunity to tell the recipient what he/she means to me or how much my daughter loves Mother Goose reading to her before bed. I believe in the written word. I believe in letting people know they matter, that their gesture is appreciated, that I’m thinking of them. And frankly, expressing myself comes naturally on paper. I’m a writer.

With the digital shift, the convenience of email, the paperless push, I’ve questioned the relevance of the hand-mailed thank you note. And the response is twofold: Some believe them unnecessary, insisting a text would serve just as well and save the half-dollar stamp. Others are offended when an acknowledgement doesn’t appear in the mailbox within a few weeks. Honestly, sometimes it takes longer to put the stamp on the note than it does the recipient to read it. I find myself just as irritated from a poorly written thank you note as I am to not receiving one.

After my daughter’s first birthday, I took home the presents, inventoried the gifts, making notes of who gave what, the thank you note list for later. I kept track of each baby shower gift the year before and meticulously detailed each contribution with name and date in her baby book. But I wondered, will she even care? Those people matter to me, but will they matter to her? Isn’t the list more for me? One longtime friend, whom I don’t see in person often, brought her the cutest little outfit. She told me being a mother of boys, buying for a little girl was a rare treat. I texted asking for her address, and her response was: “Girl, don’t worry about sending me a thank you note. Just post tons of pics of Baby Girl in the dress.” She wanted to see her enjoying the gift rather than words from me on how she intended to. Videos and snapshots are so easily accessible, and dealing with postage and drop boxes and stationery is time-consuming and costly.

My cousin Abby gave my daughter this little green frog that sits on the side of the tub and shoots bubbles. It makes her chuckle, and we named the frog Fred. I’ll push Fred’s head, shooting bubbles into the air, and she splashes the water in excitement and reaches for his face. The moment said more than I could in words, so I snapped a quick video and sent it to Abby. It was my thank-you note. Afterwards, I crossed Abby’s name off the contribution list, considering our appreciation expressed. Texts, videos, social media interaction, it’s how my cousin and I communicate, so it seemed fitting.

I have a neighbor two doors down. Our communication exists in brief chats on the street corner, small talk about our dogs, and a daily wave in passing. We don’t text or follow each other on social media. I’m not sure she even uses either method of communication. A formal note fits our interaction, for her generation appreciates traditional acknowledgement. I don’t necessarily decide who gets the stationery based on the recipient’s age, but rather what suits our level of interaction, or what would matter most to the giver. I’m aware that my behavior will be the learned behavior of my daughter, and hopefully she emulates the positive examples and learns from my failures. I know that requires me acknowledging those failures when they happen. But I hope I teach her gratitude, to show others she is thankful for the small gestures. And whether she chooses traditional stationery or a modern Facebook post, the point is that the appreciation is expressed. In life, we have to meet people where they are, and sometimes it’s on the other side of a screen.