Meredith’s Musings

Learning to not rush the moments that are worth savoring is the perfect self-care resolution for this new year.

article by MEREDITH MCKINNIE

With the new year, we all are forced to evaluate where we are, what we’ve accomplished, and what we plan to do in the upcoming year. Some of us make lists and plans over cocktails and chuckles. Others blatantly refuse, hitting the pillow well before midnight on New Year’s Eve and insist it is just another day. But regardless of how we acknowledge the passing of another year, we sense the newness all around us. Christmas is over; all the pies have been consumed, the presents have been opened, the reasons to gather and celebrate are fading. Life returns to normal for most of us, with only the brief reminder of the passing of time.

For me, this season is one I covet throughout the year. I am blessed with extended time off at Christmas to pursue the passions I have less time for during school. This is the time for reading and snuggling with my girls. I’ve spent the last few months making a list of books I can’t wait to consume in bathtubs and on overstuffed pillows with my daughters napping against my knees. I love the leisure of endless free time, to get lost playing in the grass or chasing a bug, my two-year-old’s newest obsession. We’ll bake cookies and eat them fresh out of the oven, no doubt burning our tongues and laugh incessantly while we exhale audibly to relieve the discomfort. Wilder thinks anything is funny, often looking to my face to see my sly smile, the comfort in knowing mommy is laughing, too. I love how we chuckle in unison, how it warms my soul.

I want more soul-warming moments. I don’t think they’re necessarily something I create so much as they are moments I often miss or cut short. This year, my resolution, if you can call it one, is to be more me, to seek more of what fills me up. I don’t want to change anything or stop doing something. I have no vice I wish to give up. I just want to focus more on me, and that extends to my girls, my husband, the people who give me joy. I want to be present in each moment, slow the rush. I find I rush the moments I love, as if my own joy in some way is wrong and indulgent. I’ve noticed when my daughter and I laugh, I’m too quick to pull her in tight and refocus our attention. If I love the words on a page, I read them quicker, as if finishing the book sooner makes it more worthy of being read. When my husband and I have a knowing glance, I’m quick to laugh it off rather than pausing in the moment and giving the exchange more time to resonate. I need to quit rushing the good stuff.

I want to feel more at peace, so I intend to focus on what feels peaceful and let it linger. I tried it with Wilder. She crawled in my laugh, squeezed my cheeks in an effort to make me look in her eyes. I didn’t break away or shift her position, but simply lingered. And no surprise, so did she. Even a two-year-old knows to inhale and exhale. If I pattern rushing, she will learn to rush. If I show her the joy in stillness, she will learn to be still. I want my girls to get the best of me, and that can’t be rushed.

I intend to lean in to long conversations with friends, not being so quick to chime in, to genuinely listen more. When I focus on their words instead of my contribution, I’m able to truly hear them. They deserve to be heard. I will hug my daughters a little while longer while they will still let me. I will focus more on the sparkle in her eyes than the crumbs on her chin. I will let the girls turn the pages during bedtime stories, for it is not important that we read every word, but that we are reading together. When my husband asks me to snuggle into his nook before closing our eyes, I will gladly shift position, for one day, one of us won’t be there to embrace. I think I’ll find more peace there, in his nook, in their eyes, in the moments I too often rush. I will be more myself by investing time in the people that matter. This is the self-care I wish to pursue this year, and may my family and friendships be all the better for it.