Here Comes the Bride

by ERIN SHARPLIN LOVE | erinlove@panachebyerin.com

Typical wedding customs have evolved along with many other social practices.  Knowing what to do whether you are the bride or a guest can be overwhelming and confusing, so I am here to help by assembling a few tips on wedding etiquette and customs.

THE ENGAGEMENT
Getting engaged is one of the most exciting things that will happen in your lifetime, so it is understandable that you will want to shout it from the rooftops as soon as it happens.  However, this is where the “old school” etiquette should be followed to a point.  Before announcing your engagement on your social media pages, it is best to tell those closest to you personally. (Then you may shout it from the rooftops!)

THE INVITATIONS
The traditional paper invitation is still the more appropriate way to invite guests to your wedding, especially if it is a formal wedding.  However, it is now appropriate to have guests RSVP via a wedding website instead of the traditional mail-in card.  Another tradition that shouldn’t be broken is the listing of the registry on the invitation.  Your registry information should never be included with an invitation.   *Note:  I am still in favor of a traditional-style invitation with a handwritten or calligraphed name and address. 

THE REGISTRY
It has become more common for couples to marry at an older age than before, so it isn’t unusual for you to have most of the typical gift items already taken care of.  It is now okay to register for other home items and accessories that you may need instead of the typical china and glassware.  In fact, many couples forgo china for an everyday dinnerware set now, anyway.  Although, it has become commonplace to register for gift cards I am not a fan.  However, it is perfectly acceptable for a wedding invitee to purchase a gift card as the wedding gift. 

THE PARTIES
All of the traditional parties that used to accompany a wedding can still happen, but now most will have a bit of a twist.  As mentioned above, registries now tend to include non-traditional items, and so should the parties/showers that are hosted.  The following celebrations should honor the couple and their families – The Engagement Party, The Couple Shower, The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party, and The Bridal Shower.  A formal invitation should be mailed for the engagement party and the bridal shower; however an e-vite or text invitation could be made for the couple shower and the bachelor/bachelorette party.  But, as always, the formality of the invitation sets the tone and dress-code for the event, so keep that in mind.  

THE DRESS
The tradition of the bride’s wearing white on her wedding day is a hard one to break, but it is a bit antiquated.   Feel free to wear whatever your heart desires on your wedding day!  There are many beautiful colors and dresses that can be substituted for the  wedding gown.  and they still look “bridal!”  Think outside of the box and look for beautiful embroidery or pink lace, for instance.  The same goes for your wedding party attire.  Break from tradition and make your wedding more memorable!  

THE DRESS FOR THE GUESTS
Let’s squash this rule once and for all – you can wear black to a wedding!  And, you can most likely wear white, as long as it is not bridal in style.  Just keep in mind that a wedding isn’t necessarily the time to make a bold fashion statement as it is the bride’s time to shine.  That is still an etiquette rule to follow!

THE CEREMONY
A traditional wedding ceremony can’t be beat (and it is expected) but as long as you include a few of the mainstay elements (processional, exchange of vows, exchange of rings, etc.), its okay to throw in a little fun to make your wedding stand out from the crowd!  A few suggestions may be to have the wedding at a meaningful place, to include your pet in the ceremony, to honor special guests or those who have passed, to play nontraditional music, etc.  The new rules include letting the couple personalize the wedding more while still showing favor, grace, and thanks for their family and guests.  

THE RECEPTION
While many brides have recently had to opt for smaller, or no reception, it is now time to party!  And that means bigger and over-the-top floral and design elements.  Have fun with it!  Nothing is off limits except loud, tasteless music and food that doesn’t accommodate every taste bud and diet choice.  While you are at it, why not make it a full … wedding weekend – Couples are now frequently opting for “wedding weekends” instead of a wedding day!  The thought is to make the time that much more special for their guests, not just for themselves.  Think – welcome party, daytime activities, and after-party brunch.  What a great idea!  

With all of that said, there are still a few rules of etiquette that you should ALWAYS follow:

1. Do not arrive too early or too late!  A good rule of thumb is to arrive around 20 to 30 minutes before the scheduled start time.  Arriving too early may disrupt pictures, first looks, etc. and too late may disrupt the bride’s processional down the aisle.  
2. Do not overindulge. Or you may be remembered as “that girl.”
3. Never tell the bride or groom if you notice something that you think is wrong or incorrect.  Find an event planner or facility coordinator.
4. Never RSVP that you will be attending and not show up.  It is proper to let someone know if something has changed.  
5. Do not leave without speaking to the bride and groom.  They are the reason you are there in the first place. Make sure you acknowledge the happy couple.
6. Always place your phone on silent during the ceremony and reception.  Better yet, do not even bring it inside.  That type of disruption isn’t only rude, it is embarrassing.
7. Unless your child is specifically added on the invitation, they are not invited.  Some couples prefer children not be at their special ceremonies. Honor that. 

This year, couples should make everything more intentional, focus on the guest experience and create more personalized details.