Fighting for the Character of Your Kids

Shaping Our Kids to Be a Good Friend

article by Cindy G. Foust

Happy March BayouLife community has we begin our trek into the last month of the first quarter of 2018. Wait…what in the cat hair did I just say? I think what I meant to say is that we are nearing the end of the first quarter of the new year, and time is passing us right on by. By the time this month’s magazine hits your driveway, our kids will have three months left in this school year. Wait…what? Are you telling me we are two quarters from the holiday season? For crying out loud we are moving on from that subject and I mean right now.

So, anything exciting happening in our community of late? I ask this like I’m going to be able to get an actual response from our readers. I try to keep up with happenings and events around the area but honestly, things at my house keep me pretty busy. And, I like it that way. Scott and I are at the age where our kids still keep us busy and in the road a lot. Truthfully, I like the hustle and bustle of it all, and I know one day soon, when our kids are grown, I will really miss it. Well, that’s what some of my friends with older kids tell me, anyway.

Speaking of friends, boy, I don’t know what I’d do without mine. I’m not sure how I went from first quarter talk to the holidays to friends, but hey, I just think it’s because I’m really, really talented. Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah, thank you for being a friend…that’s a song from way back, but I really could sing it to several people, at this particular juncture of my life. This past week I had the good fortune of speaking at the Go Red Luncheon for the American Heart Association. I was able to share the story of my late son, Samuel’s, heart journey, as well as my own. During the few weeks prior to the luncheon, I had a lot of reflective time, about these two times in my life where it really meant a lot to me to have good friends. I mean, how would you get through such difficult times without your family and friends? I have no real idea, nor do I ever want to imagine my life without them. Likewise, I do my best to be that same good friend right back at those who stand in the gap for me, because like I always say, to have a good friend you have to be a good friend. And I hope I am raising my children to be good friends, as well. Even though, this whole friendship philosophy is really hard when you have a sixth grader, right?

My son is now a college student, and let me say, because it is entirely different to raise a boy than it is to raise a girl, that it was much easier to help him navigate through those middle and high school years where friendships were concerned. I mean, if he got cross with one of his friends, it was usually over who beat who at Xbox or who played better that weekend in their travel ball tournament. And when they did get cross, which was rarely, they were over in it in fifteen minutes.

As a result, I think Robert Scott has cultivated some lifelong friendships that he will enjoy the rest of his life, friends who he will raise his family with, work with, etc. We had a few times during those formative years where he learned a valuable lesson from someone whom he thought was his friend, but he worked through it and I think came out with some formidable friendships.

On the other hand, I have a sixth-grade girl, and for those of you out there parenting girls, you know what I’m saying. For the most part, things have been pretty-drama free up to this point, but there has certainly been some drama on the “fringe” of her friendships.

My daughter and I were actually just driving into town this week, and she brought the subject up of someone who she thought was her friend, but had actually been talking about her. As a parent, we have to tread lightly, right? First of all, I don’t want to be that parent that thinks their child is without fault or innocent in every circumstance. Next, I want her to understand, and what I also tried to impart to my son, that most of the time, people who are talking about you are just insecure with who they are.

That lesson was learned by me at an early age, as well, during those unfortunate looking years when my teeth were bucked so much that I could have sucked a marble out of a coke bottle, and my hands and feet looked like they belonged to the Incredible Hulk. But you now, at twelve years old, you don’t want to hear that someone is talking about you, because they are insecure or jealous, you just know your feelings are hurt. But I want her to understand that she mustn’t reciprocate that same behavior…it’s not okay for her to be rude back or talk about them the way they have hurt her.

I get kind of tired of hearing people say “Well, kids will just be kids.” I take issue with that parenting philosophy because I believe they are learning what they hear and see at home or what parents are allowing them to get away with. I think it’s important to fight for the character of our kids, to help shape them into good people who are good friends and are sensitive to others.

I have been at this life now 51 years, and I have certainly had my share of friends to come and go. We all have, but the ones who stick by you, the ones who are there when you come home from the hospital after a double mastectomy or stand by your side after the loss of your child, those are the ones you fight for. My daughter is only in the sixth grade, but she’s on the cusp of really starting her teenage formative years, and I want her to be confident and ready to withstand the growing pains of these next years. They should be years filled with laughter and joy and fun and friends, but there will inevitably be times when hurt and betrayal get in the way. We experienced a little of it in 5th grade, and it certainly taught her the value of a good friend, even at that tender age.

So get ready, readers, with my daughter just being in the sixth grade, you know how I like to write about life experiences, so buckle in, you may get to continue your role as my unofficial therapist as I write about the “wonder years” of teendom.

How about you? Most of us won’t get a Get Out of Jail Free card and not experience some of these growing pains. But as parents, it’s our job to talk through these tender times, listen to our children and encourage them through what seems like catastrophic events. We all know, because we are there or have been there, these really aren’t catastrophic times, they just seem like it when you are 12. My prayer is that each of your children, as well as my own, will grow through these years and become strong, confident adults who are able to cultivate lasting friendships and at the same time, learn the value of being the good friend that they want to have.