Focus on What You Can Do

and Stop Worrying About What You Can’t Do

article by Cindy G. Foust

Well, hello there coronacation companions, how in the name of Star Trek the Next Frontier are you? Like me, that’s how you feel, right? Or can I get a big AMEN Brother Ben? Whoever in the cat hair Brother Ben is I don’t know but I am sure he is like the rest of us, hunkered down and staying in place.

This continues to feel like somewhat of a really bad sci-fi movie, but now, after five full weeks of staying in place, we are, interestingly enough still in the same place… home. I hope this month’s column finds each of you and your family and friends safe and healthy in your own homes because that’s what we should be praying for, right?

It’s hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago, I was in Baton Rouge with my daughter, living our best life at her dance competition, shopping, eating, dancing and well, just enjoying our “girl’s only” weekend.

Fast forward a few more weeks and look at us now, we are still shopping, eating, dancing and enjoying each other’s company, only it looks much different, doesn’t it? Our shopping is now an online adventure that has you deciding between Lay’s or Doritoes and some off brand toilet paper that you HOPE they have when you do the curbside pick up. And the whole toilet paper shortage is still just a puzzle to me. Like why do we need to stockpile toilet paper for a respiratory virus? One of my really good friends mentioned today that she doesn’t understand it either and even went as far as to tell her husband that it’s really not a crisis when you can just “use tissue or leaves.”

Wait. I pretended I didn’t hear her because I can tell you what’s not going to happen for me, and that’s using leaves as a substitute for toilet paper.

I often say I’m going to move to Montana and homeschool but I can promise you if I do, they will teleport TP in weekly… I just ain’t that kind of girl. Wait. How did I let this month’s column get this far off track? It kind of feels like our life right now, though, really far off track. Or is it?

Different for sure, but off track? Scott and I have been very fortunate to be able to maintain our jobs and have continued to work remotely from home, and when I tell you that I am so grateful to our employers, gratitude just doesn’t seem enough. So many people are hurting right now, in so many ways, and it just seems as if we are all hostage to this pandemic.

But how many of you spend your days focusing on what you “can’t do” anymore? Come on, let me see a show of hands. Wait. We are in quarantine, so I can’t see anything, but how many of you are worrying over what you can’t do rather than what you can do.

I have to give credit where credit is due, and my pastor, Greg Clark, actually planted this seed for me, in the early days of the stay in place. He said “stop worrying over what you can’t do and start focusing on what you can do.”

It’s a simple philosophy, but it helped shift my mindset, cause let me tell you, I was “wallowing in it” in the early weeks. It’s true. I actually spent the first two weeks thinking I had the coronavirus, walking around the house having everyone feel my head for a temperature. Or I would sit in my big comfy chair and stare at the window waiting on a cough to happen…of course it never did.

After my pastor made that statement in one of our early virtual church services, I started thinking about that concept of what I could do and with that thought, here’s what I now know (in no particular order):

1 I can enjoy my home. Like many of you, our homes are a gift…a safe haven from the rest of the world, where there is sickness and the threat of an illness that could take life our lives or the lives of our family and friends. I am guilty of taking my home for granted, but in the past few weeks, I have moved from room to room with a different eye, working from different spaces and feeling such gratitude for a safe space to stay in place (I’m going to rhyme at every opportunity, but you already know this).

2 I can enjoy my good health. Our health is also a gift…and the health of our family and friends is, too. I have a close friend, whom I adore, whose mother is battling the Covid-19 and we have stayed in touch on a daily basis. The pain of not being able to be with her mother during this time is nearly as excruciating as her mother being sick. Nearly. Because the days of uncertainty and worry have consumed Allison, but she has stayed the course of “faith” and focused on what she could do, which was write wonderful Facebook posts about her mother and prayed for her in a constant manner. I believe, as a result, that her mother will be healed, and she is now off the ventilator. I focused on what I could do with her, which was pray and listen and stay in touch. We are all going to be affected by this in some way, but the most important is our health and the health of our loved ones, so we can focus on staying healthy, mentally and physically.

3 Which leads me to my next “what I now know,” and that is that I can exercise every day. Before, I made up excuses or let my tired ole self be the reason I just “said no.” I am enjoying walking and the way it makes me feel knowing I am working with my body and not against it. If we weren’t in lockdown, I would challenge and beat my neighbor, David Cole, who shoots basketball every afternoon and tries to show off that he is younger and more athletic than me, but when this is over, I will take his money.

4 I also now know that I can have blonder roots than I originally thought because dry shampoo is a gift from God and I wish I had invented it. And what I also know is if you hold it right above your hairline and spray, the white of the shampoo does look better than the brown of your roots. You’re welcome.

5 I can also have meals with my husband and children every day because this stay in place has provided an opportunity to take time to sit together and eat. We also cook together, almost every day and are really enjoying the sort of Norman Rockwell feeling being in the kitchen together or sitting around the dinner table talking about what we did that day. Wait. That conversation is short so we spend a lot of time just talking about what we are going to cook next.

6 I can also reach out to neighbors, family and friends, and just check in. Offer to go to the grocery store for those loved ones who might have compromised health and don’t need the exposure. This has really empowered me, in a way that has made me feel needed and necessary…helping my parents, my friends who need to really stay in place.

7 And finally, on the list of what I do know…I know we are all going to be okay. Because the reality is, there is no food shortage, or gas shortage, or water shortage. Most of us have warm, safe homes and we are in quarantine with the ones we love the most. For our other loved ones, we have access to them by phone or Zoom and we are able to check in every day.

Listen, I’m not trying to depict that this crisis has gotten easier or that I haven’t struggled. I have, of course I have, but what I am trying to say is that it doesn’t have to be bigger than us. Hopefully the time is near when we will be able to resume some of our normal routines…although those will likely look different, right? But that’s a column for another day, but in the meantime, try to spend some time savoring this unprecedented and unique time and focus on what you can control, rather than what you can’t.

Cindy G. Foust is a wife, mom, author and blogger. You can find her blog at the alphabetmom.com for weekly columns about home life, parenting, small business stories and insight with a smidgen of literacy. Give her a like or follow on Facebook and Instagram.